March 4, 1933: Frances Perkins is sworn in as Secretary of Labor, the first woman in the U.S. cabinet.
In her honor, if you’re wearing UGG boots, your right to vote has hereby been revoked. You’ve clearly demonstrated that you can’t make informed decisions; your footwear is an affront to women’s suffrage.
We’ll discuss jeggings on the anniversary of the Roe v. Wade decision. You have a choice. Abort — just sayin’.