Tips(y) for Surviving Thanksgiving

  1. Pour everyone a glass of Zinfandel.
  2. And another.
  3. Get cornered in the kitchen by an aunt who thinks you’re getting too thin.
  4. Thank her?
  5. Explain (and somehow apologize for) why you spend so little time at home.
  6. Maneuver back to the safety of the group.
  7. Avoid* all polarizing topics.
  8. *If Dad’s keen to talk about Ferguson, make sure everyone’s taken their blood pressure medication.
  9. If Grandma can’t find hers in her Mary Poppins suitcase, just give her the bottle of Zin.
  10. Oh, we’re talking about Black Annie now?
  11. Close your eyes.
  12. Helen Keller yourself another glass of wine.
  13. Be thankful that the food’s almost ready.
  14. Open your eyes.
  15. Love these idiots.